Selection of spouse is a very important phase of life as everyone wants his relationship to stay for long term. Religion, ethnicity, academic qualification, financial status and hobbies are among the factors that directs the selection of spouse. Marriage has proven effects on the health of the couple. Research shows that a happy matrimonial life gives cardiovascular strength while a weak relationship is directly associated with bad cardiovascular health and depression. A clear difference of opinion lies in selection of love or arranged marriage. Why love marriage fails more times as compared to arranged marriage ? is a critical question. No one wants to live a life full of sorrows but the ground realities tells a different story. Before marriage, it looks obvious that love marriage is going to be an ideal marriage but the stats oppose this myth.
Study shows that 85 % relationships end on break-up while half of the remaining 15 %, that leads to marriage, ends on divorce. Compared to this, the divorce rate in arranged marriages is very low. Here we will try to find out the reasons behind the failure of love marriages.
1- Fantasy like Expectations
The first answer to the question ¨Why love marriage fails?¨ is the presence of overwhelming expectations. Before the marriage, he couple lives in fantasies. They expect the ideal conditions in future. As there is no end to imagination, they consider themselves as a prince and a queen who will live in the palace with a lot of servants etc. They think that its easy to live without the interference of anyone. Everyone make mistakes but the love birds just consider what is good in them. They think that the love, passion, emotions and attention will remain through out life.
They don´t even consider the esssentials of life. But after the marriage, a catastrophe occurs that puts a full stop to imaginations. When the couple go through the whole scenio e.g a lot of responsibilities, which were not expected, the relationship loses strength. With the passage of time, 1 or 2 years, when there are no more emotions involved, the relationship gradually becomes weak and ends up on divorce.
Read More: 10 Reasons For Divorce In Marriages
2- Undefined Boundaries
As the couple knows that they are in the relationship on their own without the influence of any other e.g parents. And they know that they are independant in their decisions. When the life does not proceeds according to their expectations, they start thinking about divorce. During the difficult times of life, the condition becomes worse. On the other hand, arranged marriage has some defined boundaries. The couple knows that they have to comprise in order to live together. They are not completely independant as there are other people involved e.g Parents, family friends etc. So, even in the difficult times, compromise is the ultimate option. So, keep in mind that it takes a lot of patience to keep a relationship strong.
3- End of Emotions
In the initial days of relationship, the couple gives a lot of time to each other and there are strong emotions involved. They expect it to stay like this in future. They remain passionate about their love before the marriage and for a short period after the marriage. But with the passage of time when the realities of life comes into play, the relationship loses emotions. At that time, they give less time to each other and their attention diverts towards other aspects of life. Now, the fights erupt and the couple starts living separate lives, that is a big setback for the relationship. Depression and other mental problems comes into way, leading towards divorce.
4- Lack of Social Control
As arranged marriage is not only a commitment of two individuals but there are plenty of other people involved in the making of the bond. The couple gets the moral support of both the families. And during the hard times of life, the family and friends play their part in keeping the relationship strong. On the other hand, love marriage of a commitment of two independent people. Most of the times, it lacks the moral support of both the families as it is against the norms in many socities of the world. So, during the hard times when fights occur, family and friends are not bound to play their part in keeping the relationship strong.
5- Family Interference
After the marriage, the girl is bound to live with the boy´s family. The girl wants everything to be like the relationship before marriage but she forgets the boy´s commitment to his family and friends. This is another answer to the question ¨Why love marriage fails?¨. Now, there are two cases, as in arranged marriage it is not something new as it was expected that there will be some type of family interference. But in case of love marriage, the girl tries to keep the boy´s family interference to a limit and that whole scenario leads to disagreement. As the boy´s commitment to his parents and siblings is very strong and he can not limit their interference. That situation also makes the relationship weak and sometimes leads to divorce.
6- Lack of Attention
During the peak times of relationship, the boy gives full time to the girl. At that time, the emotions are at the peak and there is a lot of exchange of love letters and gifts. Now, the girl expects this whole scenario to proceed. For such girls, the love marraige fails because the incident of marriage becomes an accident as she was not prepared to face the hard realities of life. After the marriages, the boy feels his responsibilities e.g financial, social etc and thatswhy his attention diverts from his wife towards other responsibilities. At that time, the girl complains of lack of attention but the boy, who is now emotionally balanced, don´t pay attention to her complains. Now, the strength of relationship totally depends on the girl´s patience. And when this patience ends, the relationship ends.
7- Physical and Verbal Abuse
Before the marriage, the girl gets respect, attention and sweet messages as the boy tries to depict what is good in him. Similiarly, the girl also do the same and represents her good personality. So, the negative aspects of both personalities remain hidden behind the coating of emotions. But after the marriage when difficult times of life come, there is exchange of some unpleasant words making the relationship weak. Sometimes, there are cases of physical abuse. That whole scenario ends the moral values of relationship, leading to divorce, While in arranged marriage, there are less chances of verbal abuse as the ekement of respect persists throughout life.
8- Addiction/ Bad Habits
As explained earlier, the bad habits of both people are not exposed to each other as the overwhelming emotions make them blind. After the marriage, both the personalities gets completely exposed. Now, the likeness for each other becomes less. Now, there are chances that this emotional failure may lead to addiction. And when the drugs gets involved in life, there is a rapid end to the relationship. Now, the love marriage fails because the ¨princess¨ never expected her ¨prince¨ to be like this. On the other hand, in arranged marriage both know that there are a lot of things yet to be understood about each other´s personalities. So, there is nothing unexpected and the family tries to maintain the high moral values that prevents chances of adiction.
9- Involvement of A Sympathetic Listener
In love marriage when the relationship gets weaker and both the partners are depressed about their failure, a sympathetic listener comes into play. Now, the love marraige fails because of the involvement of the third person. Most of the times, an old friend (maybe an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend), a co-worker or a new friend comes to life. Here we consider an old friend (boy) as the sympathetic listener. He will listen the failure story of the girl and tells her about the good old days, when they were friends. Now, the girl gets attracted towards that old friend and her previous relationship comes to an end. While, in the case of arranged marriage, the family acts as sympathetic listener and they try their best to keep the relationship healthy.
10- Taking It For Granted
After the marriage when the boy gets indulged in his routuine life, the girl gets less time and attention. The boy thinks that the relationship will remain strong and she will never leave him whatever the circumstances are. Here, the boy forgets that the peak time of relationship has ended and the emotional level is low. He also forgets that a relationship needs renewals e.g a candlelight dinner, a trip etc. That whole scenario leads to gradual weakening of the relationship. At that time, he takes her for granted and forgets that a relationship needs constant attachment.
Why Love Marriage Fails: The Top 10 Reasons
- Fantasy like Expectations
- Undefined Boundaries
- End of Emotions
- Lack of Social Control
- Family Interference
- Lack of Attention
- Physical and Verbal Abuse
- Addiction/ Bad Habits
- Involvement of A Sympathetic Listener
- Taking It For Granted